Hindsight
If the person you're fighting against is going to be a jerk, they're going to be a jerk.
Client: It cost me a fortune. It cost me $90,000 in total for a case that really should never have even happened. If you're a decent guy, you pay for your kids. This wasn't money for me, but just a narcissistic guy. So, for him, it just was impossible for him to see that it was just about his kids. And many times throughout the process, I thought, Why am I doing this? Why am I spending all this money? And I talked to Lisa about it several times, and she said, It's your call, but if you feel that he should pay and he should pay, then the only way to get a dime out of him is to go through this process. I was taking a bit of a stand, and I thought, okay, you need to pay for your kids. In the end, it came down to it bugging me so much I couldn't deal with the what if.
Client: Nothing to do with the legal side, just to do with my ex-husband. It's just unfathomable to me that you have three incredibly special daughters, and you just don't do the right thing and don't support them. So even though I know that about him, still, it's like, really?
Client: The only thing I will say that did come as a bit of a surprise was we actually were scheduled to go to trial. We sent an offer to settle during COVID, and he and his lawyer never even signed it back. They never acknowledged getting it. They never signed it back. They never did anything. So we waited for a couple of months. Lisa sent out another letter with the offer to settle, saying, here's our offer, blah, blah, blah. Still no response. Nothing.
Client: After that time we went in front of a settlement court judge on Zoom to try to resolve it, and my ex-husband just wouldn't budge. Long story short, eventually, they said, "Okay, you guys can't settle, so you're going to court." And this was in 2021. And because of COVID, they were backlogged. They scheduled us for court for 2023. So in 2021, when I thought I was getting close to closing, then I saw, oh, I have to wait another two years to actually go to court. So it was that whole waiting process. But again, that's not my lawyer's fault.
Client: So then, finally, we're getting ready to go to trial, and this is go to trial. You're in the courthouse, where you put your hand on the Bible, and you're in front of the judge, judge. You can call witnesses, you can, whatever. So the only piece that came as a bit of a surprise is they then asked for a $20,000 deposit for a trial. That was a big chunk of money. You still have to maintain your $4,000 retainer, but in order to prep for trial, they ask for an additional 20. And I got to tell you, the 20 burns through pretty quickly because when they're preparing you for trial, it's not just Lisa that's working on the file. It's three other people. Like somebody's running numbers, somebody's running charts and scenarios, and it gets very complicated.
Client: So I didn't love paying those bills or having to cough up that kind of money. And it was literally a quarter to five on a Friday. The office is closed at five. We were going to court on Monday, and my ex-husband signed back an offer. And he signed back an offer for about a third of what we had proposed. And already, my proposal just to get it done was already a huge haircut of what he actually really owed.
Client: And at that point, Lisa called me and said, "I hate to tell you this, but you need to take this." And I'm like, "What are you talking about? It's a third of what he should be paying." And she said, "I can tell you right now, it'll cost you probably $100,000 to go to court, and it won't be worth it. So I'm sorry that it's worked out this way, but we can still go to court if you want. We're ready." And that's what speaks to that whole $20,000 thing, is that they send a very itemized review of every single charge. When they send you those monthly or semi-monthly emails that tell you to top up your retainer, they itemize everything that it costs.
Client: Well, in the past, things were costing me $250, and then a $300 something, and then something else something. This was like $3,000, $4,000. They were spending hours and hours preparing for court. So that was the piece in the end, that even though it was frustrating to know that I'd spent all that money for what felt like for nothing, I also knew that if we had to go to court, my team was totally prepared. And it's a crapshoot. And that was part of the reason why Lisa said to me, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but this is not going to go the way you want it to because he will fight till the death. He doesn't care how much it costs him in court, and we have no way of knowing A) what judge we'll get. So you could get a judge who's very sympathetic to your cause, or you could get a judge who says you're both wasting the court's time, and nobody wins. At that point, it was like, "Okay, so I guess it's over."
Interviewer: Is there anything that you would do differently to make this a less stressful experience?
Client: Probably, if I didn't have three children, I wouldn't have married my husband. I don't know. Hindsight's 50/50. Part of me feels like, "No. I should have kept the case with FRO," but he filed papers on me, so then I didn't have a choice but to defend myself. I don't think I can say I regret it. Am I disappointed? Yes. Do I regret it? No.
Client: Because I didn't know throughout the process how it was all going to roll out, and really, to me, I thought the justice system would defend me more than it did. Not so much my lawyer but the actual system because I already had a legal document from my divorce that stated what he should pay, and the law doesn't uphold that.
Client: I had to go back to court to try and enforce it, and then still couldn't enforce it. At some points, I'd think, "Jeez, I don't know if I was doing it all over again. I don't even know whether I would recommend somebody hire a divorce lawyer at all because who cares? Settle it between the two of you. Sign an agreement, and then if something goes awry, then hire a lawyer." Because to do it from the get-go, it's almost like it doesn't matter in some cases. If the person you're fighting against is going to be a jerk, they're going to be a jerk. So whether you have a court order or not, they're still going to be a jerk.
Client: Nothing to do with the legal side, just to do with my ex-husband. It's just unfathomable to me that you have three incredibly special daughters, and you just don't do the right thing and don't support them. So even though I know that about him, still, it's like, really?
Client: The only thing I will say that did come as a bit of a surprise was we actually were scheduled to go to trial. We sent an offer to settle during COVID, and he and his lawyer never even signed it back. They never acknowledged getting it. They never signed it back. They never did anything. So we waited for a couple of months. Lisa sent out another letter with the offer to settle, saying, here's our offer, blah, blah, blah. Still no response. Nothing.
Client: After that time we went in front of a settlement court judge on Zoom to try to resolve it, and my ex-husband just wouldn't budge. Long story short, eventually, they said, "Okay, you guys can't settle, so you're going to court." And this was in 2021. And because of COVID, they were backlogged. They scheduled us for court for 2023. So in 2021, when I thought I was getting close to closing, then I saw, oh, I have to wait another two years to actually go to court. So it was that whole waiting process. But again, that's not my lawyer's fault.
Client: So then, finally, we're getting ready to go to trial, and this is go to trial. You're in the courthouse, where you put your hand on the Bible, and you're in front of the judge, judge. You can call witnesses, you can, whatever. So the only piece that came as a bit of a surprise is they then asked for a $20,000 deposit for a trial. That was a big chunk of money. You still have to maintain your $4,000 retainer, but in order to prep for trial, they ask for an additional 20. And I got to tell you, the 20 burns through pretty quickly because when they're preparing you for trial, it's not just Lisa that's working on the file. It's three other people. Like somebody's running numbers, somebody's running charts and scenarios, and it gets very complicated.
Client: So I didn't love paying those bills or having to cough up that kind of money. And it was literally a quarter to five on a Friday. The office is closed at five. We were going to court on Monday, and my ex-husband signed back an offer. And he signed back an offer for about a third of what we had proposed. And already, my proposal just to get it done was already a huge haircut of what he actually really owed.
Client: And at that point, Lisa called me and said, "I hate to tell you this, but you need to take this." And I'm like, "What are you talking about? It's a third of what he should be paying." And she said, "I can tell you right now, it'll cost you probably $100,000 to go to court, and it won't be worth it. So I'm sorry that it's worked out this way, but we can still go to court if you want. We're ready." And that's what speaks to that whole $20,000 thing, is that they send a very itemized review of every single charge. When they send you those monthly or semi-monthly emails that tell you to top up your retainer, they itemize everything that it costs.
Client: Well, in the past, things were costing me $250, and then a $300 something, and then something else something. This was like $3,000, $4,000. They were spending hours and hours preparing for court. So that was the piece in the end, that even though it was frustrating to know that I'd spent all that money for what felt like for nothing, I also knew that if we had to go to court, my team was totally prepared. And it's a crapshoot. And that was part of the reason why Lisa said to me, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but this is not going to go the way you want it to because he will fight till the death. He doesn't care how much it costs him in court, and we have no way of knowing A) what judge we'll get. So you could get a judge who's very sympathetic to your cause, or you could get a judge who says you're both wasting the court's time, and nobody wins. At that point, it was like, "Okay, so I guess it's over."
Interviewer: Is there anything that you would do differently to make this a less stressful experience?
Client: Probably, if I didn't have three children, I wouldn't have married my husband. I don't know. Hindsight's 50/50. Part of me feels like, "No. I should have kept the case with FRO," but he filed papers on me, so then I didn't have a choice but to defend myself. I don't think I can say I regret it. Am I disappointed? Yes. Do I regret it? No.
Client: Because I didn't know throughout the process how it was all going to roll out, and really, to me, I thought the justice system would defend me more than it did. Not so much my lawyer but the actual system because I already had a legal document from my divorce that stated what he should pay, and the law doesn't uphold that.
Client: I had to go back to court to try and enforce it, and then still couldn't enforce it. At some points, I'd think, "Jeez, I don't know if I was doing it all over again. I don't even know whether I would recommend somebody hire a divorce lawyer at all because who cares? Settle it between the two of you. Sign an agreement, and then if something goes awry, then hire a lawyer." Because to do it from the get-go, it's almost like it doesn't matter in some cases. If the person you're fighting against is going to be a jerk, they're going to be a jerk. So whether you have a court order or not, they're still going to be a jerk.
Contact Details
Family Law Group
1579, Hyde Park Road
London, ON, N6H 5L4
Phone: (519) 672-5953